A Writer's Craft
by Secret Snoopy
Summary: When you're lacking imagination, it sure helps when Harry Potter and the gang are there to inspire you!


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. They belong to JK Rowling. I am not affiliated with her or her works, nor am I making any money from my work.

Author's Note: My very first Harry Potter fan fic. I'm sure this idea's been done numerous times before, but I can't find it here. Hm, maybe I'm just not looking hard enough.

* * *

**A Writer's Craft**

I open a word document on my computer and crack my knuckles in anticipation. Lazily, I type out the tedious disclaimer, and set to work on my Harry Potter fan fiction. _It's going to be my best work yet_, I tell myself eagerly.

Minutes later, I continue to stare at the almost blank (with the exception of the disclaimer) screen, the blinking cursor almost mocking my lack of inspiration. Frustrated, I slam my balled-up fist on the keyboard. A confetti of letters litter the document.

"Why can't I think of anything?" I mutter out loud to no one in particular. I bury my face in my arms, hoping somehow, I will develop a magnificent plotline in my dishevelled state.

"Giving up already, are you now?" A voice behind me cracks. Startled, I lift my head and turn around.

Standing at my doorway are Harry, Ron and Hermione.

I bolt up quickly, knocking my chair down. This couldn't be reality. I begin to flick my cheeks with my fingers, begging myself to wake up.

"It's pathetic," Hermione continues, leading herself to my computer screen. "All she has is the disclaimer. There is so much to work with creatively; I can't believe you lack any kind of imagination."

I glare at her, insulted. "Oh yeah?" I mumble. "Maybe I just have the wrong kind of people helping me."

On cue, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Slytherin appears in my room, looking bewildered and a little agitated. "Oh _no_, not again," he wails. "Every single time you stupid Muggle writers can't think of anything, we have to come and help you. It is becoming quite tiresome if you ask me. All of you are beyond hope."

Despite his harsh words, I can't contain the drool at the corner of my mouth. "Draco, you're so hot," I cry out involuntarily.

"Well, that's stating the obvious, but thank you." Draco smirks in my direction, which for a second makes my heart stop. I blush furiously.

Harry, Ron and Hermione all roll their eyes in unison.

I shake my head, pulling myself back to ground. I pick up my chair and sit back to the computer. "Okay," I say to them. "You're here to help me write a Harry Potter fan fiction, correct?"

"Correct," Harry replies. Ron nods. Draco grunts.

I tap my chin in thought. "Okay then, why don't I start off with something, I don't know... Harry and Hermione?"

"_What_?" The two in question shriek.

I begin to type...

* * *

"Harry, you're a great wizard," Hermione tells him. The two are on their hands and knees on the life-sized chess board. It is Harry Potter's mission to get the Philosopher's Stone from Voldemort and save the world.

Harry thinks she's flirting with him and grabs her into a lip-lock.

"What are you doing?" Hermione pulls away, gasping for air. "You have to get the Philosopher's Stone and save the world!"

"Eh, who cares?" Harry shrugs a little too casually. "Can we at least have sex first? I don't want to die a virgin."

"You're not going to die," says Hermione optimistically. "Besides, Ron's here. We can't do that in front of him!"

"But he's unconscious," Harry quickly points out. "And how long will it take? A minute or two? Come on Hermione, I know you want me."

So the two begin to hump each other, unbeknownst to them that Voldemort had somehow gotten a hold of the Philosopher's Stone and was casting death to the world as they knew it.

* * *

"What the bloody hell was that?" Harry yelps, infuriated. Hermione casts me a look of disgust. Ron is containing his giggles, but Draco isn't so kind. He is howling in laughter.

"All right all right, I know it was bad," I admit all too eagerly. "But to be honest, the heterosexual stuff doesn't appeal to me that much. I'm much into... slash!"

"What?" Ron, Harry and Draco all scream together.

"Slash?" Ron repeats, the colour draining from his face. "You mean like, boys with other boys?"

I grin at him, a sparkle of evil evident in my eyes. "You betcha."

As much as I can see that Hermione disapproves of the whole notion of any of them (straight of gay) getting into a relationship, she wipes her forehead with relief. "Since you won't be needing me anymore, can I go then?" She asks me, inspired.

"No," I tell her quickly. "Just stay here."

My eyes never leave the three boys. "So... why don't I make my first slash pairing... Harry (he whimpers) and Ron (he bawls)?

I begin to type...

* * *

Harry could not seem to fall asleep that night. Not because he had exams the next day, or that he was worrying over some monster that always turned out to be some sort of Voldemort reincarnation, but because he couldn't get the thought of Ronald Weasley out of his head.

The boy was gorgeous. Something about his red hair and sprinkle of freckles turned Harry on immensely.

It was a clear night, and the moon had cast its radiant rays through the window and illuminated Ron's face. It glowed with an inner intensity that Harry just could not leave alone.

The moment was perfect. The timing was right. It was now or never.

Harry grabbed the Invisibility Cloak from under his bed, and wrapped it over Ron's sleeping body so that only an empty bed could be seen. Then, he too slid into the safety of the cloak and gave Ron a passionate kiss.

"Huh?" Ron stirred and woke up, shocked to see Harry down at his nose. He jumped up. "What the--"

Harry silenced Ron with another kiss. "Sh..." Harry stroked Ron's arm soothingly.

"But... but the others!"

"Don't worry," Harry pointed upwards, to show the effect of the Invisibility Cloak. "No one can see us." A devilish smile crossed his lips.

Ron grinned and ran his hand up Harry's night shirt...

* * *

"Ugh," Ron spits, very reminiscent of a slug. "You slash writers are an odd folk..."

"You changed the tense of the story," Hermione critiques quietly from a corner. "But at least it was more believable than the first fiction."

"Ha, you're only saying that because you're not in it!" Ron snaps at her. "It was a horrible piece of rubbish I tell you, horrible!" He begins to shudder violently, again looking very reminiscent to his slug incident.

"Ah ah," I scold him. "Not on my carpet."

"How come I'm in both the fictions?" whines Harry. "And you make me look like a horny buggah!"

"Well," I contemplate an appropriate answer. "You are the main character in the books after all. Plus, um, whenever I read the books it sounds like... uh, you are constantly having an orgasm?"

"_What_?" They all stare at me, their mouths hanging open. Even Draco cannot seem to utter the rude comment obviously at the tip of his tongue.

"Are you sure you're reading the right books?" Ron gulps.

"Shaddup," I mumble, embarrassed. "Okay, fine, Harry, you get your wish. You're not going to be in my next figment of imagination. That means it's time for Draco and Ron! That works out perfectly because those two are my favourite coupling anyway!" I grin at the two boys.

Draco's mouth still continues to hang open. Ron glances sideways over to him and begins to shudder violently again.

I begin to type...

* * *

(Ron's POV)

"This is all your fault, Malfoy," I accuse him as we trudge through the Dark Forest together. "You're the one who earned us detention."

"It takes two to tango, Weasel," Draco flashes me his evil grin. Evil, I'm telling you. There must have been some mistake; Malfoy had to of been the Slytherin heir. How else would such an ominous evil... exist?

"You started it," I point out.

"Did not," he glares in my direction. "I believe it was you who came swinging at me, as I sat quietly at my desk, making notes from my textbook like the superb student that I am." His pretend innocence is not lost on me.

"I heard what you were muttering under your breath, insulting my family in front of Crabbe and Goyle."

"First of all, if I had something to say about your family, I wouldn't mutter it, I would say it so that everyone could hear-"

"You little git," a growl escapes me.

"-And it's quite sad, really," he continues with no shame. "When wizard families such as yourselves turn out so dirt poor. It's an embarrassment, really."

Enraged, I lunge at him. No wands, no Crabbe or Goyle. It was just me and Malfoy, mano a mano. I know my prospects are grim, but I'm still angry. Besides, with five older brothers (especially that pair of trouble-makers), I must have learned some offensive moves.

Apparently not. Malfoy immediately gains the upper hand, and pins me to the dirt ground easily. He has that evil look in his eye again. Oh no. I'm actually at the mercy of Draco Malfoy. Goodbye world. I close my eyes and wait for the final blow.

Then, to my surprise, I feel something warm at my lips. What is going on? Cautiously I lift my eyelids, shocked to find Malfoy... what the hell is going on?

I try to push him away, but he resists. I feel his fingers almost painfully tangle into my hair.

Seriously! What the hell is going on?

Malfoy moans, finally surfacing for air. I gasp for oxygen as well.

"I want you," he whispers in my ear, and begins nipping at my neck. "Your body, your eyes, your flaming red hair..."

Funny. Disturbing, in fact. Because at the same time, I begin to feel a flaming ere-

* * *

"**_HIYAH_**!" Without warning, Ron lifts one of my computer speakers up and throws it against my monitor. Sparks fly everywhere, and my monitor soon is destroyed beyond recognition.

"AH!" I rise quickly, watching this all. "My computer!"

Draco smirks. "For once Weasley, you've done something constructive."

"Shut up, Malfoy."

"Well done," Harry and Hermione applaud.

"That means we can go now!" Hermione grins widely, as if it had been announced that two sets of exams would be given that year.

They all simultaneously head for the door... literally!

"Wait a minute!" I scream after them, waving my arms madly. "What about a Ron/Draco/Harry threesome? Anyone interested? Hello!" But they hop on their broomsticks and head back to Hogwarts. Or possibly another writer in distress.

"Damn." A smile slowly forms on my face. "Well, it's a good thing I always save all my work on this beautiful floppy disk. Good ol' floppies." (Rewritable discs, I find, are very unreliable.) "And it's also a good thing my dad's computer has internet too."

Humming happily, I skip downstairs to continue my fan fictions. By now, I am desperately trying to prove that Harry and Draco are romantically linked, with Hagrid lusting after Professor Dumbledore.

This time, I have no lack of inspiration.

I turn on the computer, and...

I begin to type...

**The End**

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Author's Note: Definitely not the best thing I've ever written, but I had fun writing it. I hope you had fun reading it. And this goes without saying, but please review! **Flames are welcome!**


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